Amor Fati

Amor Fati is a Latin phrase that translates to “love of fate.”

It’s a philosophical idea most closely tied to Friedrich Nietzsche, though it traces back to Stoic thought. At its core, it’s about embracing life fully — not just accepting what happens (good or bad), but loving it as something necessary and meaningful.

I had a cousin who was a year older than me. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer when she was young and died before finishing high school. I always remember her as cheerful and kind, the type of person who left you lighter and more graceful after spending time with her. She once told me, with that sweet smile in her voice:
“The days that I wake up and nothing hurts are the best days of my life.”

I don’t know what luck really means. But I do believe that life, as a journey, brings some things you can design and plan — and others simply hit. For me, having good parents was not a choice, but having a good partner in life was. Being born a year after the Islamic Revolution in Iran and growing up under the pressure of a religious dictatorship was not my choice, but immigrating to Canada was. My cousin’s cancer was not in her control, but moving through her short life with adversity and positivity — that was her choice.

Some things are in your control, some things are not. The wisdom lies in focusing on what you can control and accepting the rest. Stoic philosophy has been around for more than 2,500 years, yet many of us — I’d say most of us — still struggle to accept our lives.

Recently I joined a group focused on career growth and learning the business side of things. I’m an architect and a designer; I never went to business school, and I’ve had little exposure to topics like finance, accounting, or business. As my business is growing I need to learn how to run our company. In this small cohort, we have a chair who facilitates the meetings. For our first session, she asked each of us to bring a memento — any object with a story — so we could get to know each other better. Among her own mementos, she showed us a coin with the words Amor Fati carved into its center.

After the meeting, I started walking along the Toronto waterfront trail. I watched the people around me, catching eyes as they passed — some running, some biking, some walking their strollers of their dogs. I found myself guessing who might be approaching life the way I do, and thinking of my own circle of friends and family. It felt easy to tell who belonged to the gang of Amor Fati, and who didn’t.

I remembered the phrase carved on the back of the coin: “Not merely to bear what’s necessary, but to love it.” As I watched everyone passing by, I reflected. That simple phrase holds so much if we think deeply — if we map our sorrows and struggles onto it, and imagine what it would mean not just to bear them but to love them. It’s not easy. Yet, as a natural positivist and a true believer of the school of Amor Fati, when I think about my own journey and compare it with my cousin’s, I realize I can always do better.

Tell yourself if you wake up and nothing really hurts, that’s the best day of your life. That’s what we should all be doing or at least try!